I can’t believe you are nine years old now. I still remember when you were born and fit on my forearm. We had a 2004 black Nissan Sentra, it was loaded with diaper bags, a pink car seat, and an excited mom and dad. I think I spent six month painting your powder pink room, with lady bugs and castles on the wall, and a dark blue sky with a cartoon sun on the ceiling. I had to repaint the clouds twice, just to get them perfect. It was all for you. I love watching you grow up. I cherish each moment, each phase, and you. You will always be my sweetheart, and I love you. I feel like I have let you down countless times, but I will continue to talk you though my mistakes, as well as yours. I love you too much not to. I see you worry about my approval, but please don’t. I am always on your team, and on your side. I thank God everyday, that he put you in my life. I will forever strive to keep your momma happy and loved so that you can feel safe everyday, and not have to worry about your parents. It breaks my heart every time you cry. I want you to know that I am willing to help you dry your tears, anytime.
We are going to have to talk about boys soon, and to be honest, I am terrified. I think, silver hair is in my immediate future. I know you have a buddy at school, but I know, things are going to get weird in a few years, if they aren’t already. I think I may use your 2 year old brother as an example. How he loves cars, stands up and cheers for anything starwars, and his vocabulary is half sound effects. He is likely to never think about, or plan anything about his wedding. Boys aren’t wrong, they are just so very different. I want you to hear it from me first. We will go on a date. We will talk. My silence, is not ok. God gave you an extroverted, chatty dad. Don’t worry, I am going to keep this date appropriate to your age. I just want to build a foundation, for you to be able to ask your dad about boys, and life. I think we are going to be ok. I know I often say, “You are the practice kid.” All that means, Sweetheart is that mom and I are constantly learning how to be parents with you. Mom and I both were ‘first born’ so we understand your frustration.
So, what do you think? Can I take my sweet girl, in the powder pink shirt, out on a date? Just me and you. We will load up in the 2015 black Mustang. You can sing Taylor Swift, or Katy Perry at the top of your lungs. I will tell some silly daddy jokes. I love the way you laugh. Sweetheart, I am sorry I cry a little, every time you talk about getting married. I take a deep breath, and sigh, and only lose one or two tears. You put your hand on top of mine and say, “Don’t worry daddy, everything is going to be ok.” I couldn’t agree more.
Copyright © 2017 Zachary W Gilbert